Six feet under the stars

2012-01-23T00:04:00.001+08:00

What makes me feel at peace:

1) the blanket I've had since I was a kid, and still using now.
2) medicated oil (as strange as it sounds)
3) playing guitar on my bed
4) when it's raining outside
5) knowing there's no school tomorrow
6) long walks at night with nala
7) being with God.

I've completed 6 out of 7 tonight. Time to spend time with God. I won't let emotions get me down so easily.

2012-01-20T00:05:00.003+08:00

some nights move by so slowly.
and some move by so fast.
tonight just feels, rather empty..

today was a day filled with :(ness and :/ness.
and it's because of how :( and :/ the people I care about are that's making me so :( and :/ too.
sorry for the lack of expression. but those emoticons pretty much sum up how I feel right now.

yet, I know. it's these feelings that only God can take away and heal in His own time.
so if you're :( and :/ right now, I encourage you..
to take heart, and let God's love and peace consume you.

for "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalms 34:18

In everything, You hold it all oh Lord.
Beat

2012-01-09T23:41:00.002+08:00

9 days into 2012 and I've been beyond blessed :)
I've been worrying so much about so many things, especially regarding school.
But everything seemed to fall nicely into place, SOMEHOW.
God, you are indeed so so so amazing :)

I've received results that are so undeserving, and results I never expected.
Projects are coming together rather okay.
And people around me have been so loving and supportive.

And even though I'm still figuring out how to deal with some things at home,
I know God will make things okay, somehow.

Your grace and mercy is so sweet God :)
Thank You for loving me.

2011-12-24T01:34:00.001+08:00

worry worry worry
why why why
gah gah gah

sigh God, why you put so many thoughts in my head to think about :(
decisions to make by the end of the year :/
God, please tell me what to do..

2011-12-05T01:51:00.002+08:00

Be my rock and redeemer tomorrow, this week, and forevermore oh Lord.

sub-min retreat was a good one, and a restful one.
ushers are such a crazy bunch, but I really do love them :)
danette ronda gen heidi gail glenda shar deb nic vic lex lionel mark and derek, thanks for making retreat a great one :)

but it's back to another week of school so....
you can do this beat, you can do this.
Through God, you can, and you will (somehow).

2011-11-27T21:06:00.001+08:00

I know. I try. I fail. And I'm about to give up.

But I know I can't. And I'll keep trying.

God, give me the strength and wisdom to get through this week.

I'm tired of trying, really tired.

2011-11-25T21:22:00.003+08:00

brrrrr it's so cold in this room.

on a totally random note:

1) I wish I had new shoes, the chuck taylors I found online are so nice :( the ones I have now are so worn out.
2) I wish I had a new iPhone case. the same one I have now. just NEWER.
3) I wish I had new earphones cos' my current ones aren't in the best state.
4) I wish there was more time. MORE TIME.
5) and yet, I wish this semester would be over already. I'm tired of not understanding things during tutorials/lectures.

I sound like such a brat. haha
I'm sorry, it's a friday night. let me whine and just type nonsense.

after making this list, I really should start on a list of things I SHOULD be doing/studying instead of wasting my time :/

God, help me with this.

2011-11-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

so. hello!

couple of words to sum up the past week/2 weeks

GAH
BLEH
:(
:/
D:
:D
WHYYYY
?!!!!
STRENGTH
TRUST
FAITH

I realise, I cry easily. and I mean really. easily. (if you hit that sore spot)
and that's one thing I really hate about me.
I like to avoid certain topics that I just don't feel comfortable bringing up, cos' I don't wanna break down in front of people.
and it's been such a mess. in my heart and just thinking about what I should do and what I just HAVE to do.
every morning - loud talking/shouting/the walking up and down
every night - the waking up/leaving the lights on
every time we're in the car - constant bugging that gets me so annoyed
(almost) every time I'm in school - the frustration when I don't understand anything while it seems everyone else does
every driving lesson I had - he scolds me which makes me tear but I can't stop NOT driving and then I make more mistakes. I now I just dread going for lessons.
every time I talk about school - my parents say: why don't you understand this! very easy what! you must learn to like it! change your attitude (yea, cos' it's that easy)

But.

every time I'm with the ruggies - they make me laugh and make me happy (:
every time I've facetime-ed with aggs - we have the most stupid conversations/I get my work done.
every time I touch the guitar - it feels like I'm doing something I love and will never give up
every time I talk about the past (pri/sec school memories) - it makes me so so so very happy (:
every time I think that no one will understand what I'm going through.. - I know at least God's there, holding me.

I still don't know what I'm gonna do after poly. what being an "adult" will be like.
because, it's not gonna be that easy.
I can't, think just about myself. do what I wanna do.
And I feel like I've been waiting for God to open another door for me, and show me how I can get through this.
But it hasn't happened :/

you know. there are times I wondered what would happened if.. I just left this earth. right now.
no more school, no more worries, no more sadness.
and it would always be the easiest way out right?
there are times I stand there, waiting to cross the road, and think "what if I take a step out, would things be better?"
of course, I would never do it. I don't think God would like me to (unless He wants me to leave now I'd be quite happy)
but something tells me God still has a rather lengthy path for me to walk on before I pass.

sigh, but I'm growing kinda tired waiting for You, God.
can You just come soon, maybe after Christmas? :/

k I'm just rambling now. but if you read this. do me a favour and don't talk to me about this? I don't wanna have to cry in front of anyone. just, pray k?

on a side note, I am really really sleepy now.
maybe I should go to sleep. yes. I should.
wellllll, goodnight then.

- beat

2011-11-03T00:38:00.003+08:00

heyhihello :)

I hope you're having a good week thus far! if you're not, cheer up :) things will get better :)

and wherever you are, know that you're loved by God :) because His love knows no bounds.

- beat.

Faith.

2011-10-27T01:49:00.001+08:00

Mhmm think it's decided.

2011-10-26T01:24:00.003+08:00

Dear God,

why must there be so many things to think about now. and the more I think about them, the more I want to avoid thinking about them. does that make sense?

but, I thank You for the people around me that have been providing advice and support in the different things.

and talking to bra today really reminded what faith is today, that it is - confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

those few days in camp gave me a broader perspective. and to see people/leaders that are willing to go out (literally) and be the salt and light and this earth.

I don't know if I'm up for it, but that's what faith is right?

--------

If you're reading this, pray for me that:
1) I'll make the right decision regarding my clusters
2) be open and discerning as I think about going for meta at the end of the year ",
3) patience, lots of patience especially with mmm.. stuff happening at home.

thanks :)

beat.

2011-10-21T17:47:00.001+08:00

Why hello.

1) Posted some letters to a few people yesterday and it made me realise how long it's been since I last sent out snail mail.

2) school starts next week+out timetable came out yesterday..and I guess it's not so bad. Though I'd rather start early then end at 6 every other day.

3) on the way to band rehearsal at the bible house. Songs we're playing this week speak so much truth. To yield to his ways and to trust in Him.

4) I think I'm stuck, where I am now. The constant trying is starting to wear me down.

5) uncertainties, and a lot of them.

6) beat, have faith.

7) I love nala, don't you? :)

The Earth is Yours

2011-10-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

2011-10-10T01:45:00.001+08:00

Would it be selfish to say I want to run away?

2011-10-09T19:01:00.003+08:00

it's true how the people you love the most are the same people that hurt you the most.
my mum says I've been "running away" and "not helping at all" and "not caring".
and it hurts because I know deep down it's true.

there was yelling, in the car.
but in my defence, it could have been avoided if my mum wasn't the short-tempered person she is.
and I know this feeling will disappear over the days.
but...

I don't know, I just wished there was some way the two them knew that I really do care.
and that this affects me way more than they think.
saying "who says I don't know you" doesn't actually mean they do.
because the thought of not having them around is probably the scariest thought on earth.

my mum thinks I care too much about my friends,
but she doesn't know it's probably the only thing that's keeping me sane left.

Dear God, teach me to show unconditional love.
Amen.

Beat

2011-10-02T20:49:00.002+08:00

quack quack.
it's october already. we're already into the last quarter of the year.

and there are things to and not to look forward to at the end of the year..
but I don't know.. hmm.

a lot of things have been happening. at home especially.
we seem to be moving into a new phase, of really big changes, and challenges.
I can't help but feel so helpless at a time like this, but I feel it's something that my parents have to settle, and there's not much I can do anyway.
there's going to be a lot of changes in the near future, I feel. and Sundays aren't gonna be the same anymore.
maybe it's time I just.. did things myself. and grow up? haha okay this may make NO SENSE at all but yea..
like, waking up at 6am to take the bus to church every Sunday morning? (heh)

decisions decisions decisions.
ahhhh God, just take control. I'm sure You know what's best for this family.

beat

2011-09-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

music fix :)

God has been good (or rather, He always is)
it's been a time of just chilling :) with Him.
I'm enjoying the times I talk to Him in my head.
and when I'm by myself with my journal, which is something I haven't done in a long time.
yesterday was a good day too. though it was totally random.
ended up making new friends with people from TP's SYFC :)
I think it's a time where God wants me to try out new things, even if it means facing setbacks here and there.
I'll try, I promise.

Beat-o beat box yo.

2011-09-11T21:01:00.003+08:00

lately, it feels like we've all been trying to run away. If possible. and that doesn't make me happy.
I appreciate times of quiet, because I know what I hate hearing the most and can hear it in my head, even if it isn't really happening.
I wish my room was sound proof so no sound comes in, and nothing goes out. A place of quiet, and refuge.
But it's in times like these I question God, and time and time again, I'm reminded it's His strength I can count on, and I have to.

Something happened during worship today.
When maho asked us to think of something beautiful that God has made, maybe A beautiful sky or something you have seen on a holiday,
the first thing that came into my mind was Ben. (yes, my brother for those of you that don't know)
of all the things that God has made, He put my brother in my heart, and deemed him as beautiful.
it's not that don't agree, that all of God's children are beautiful. they are.
But with so many things going on at home, and so much frustration building up.
it's just hard to see him and something beautiful in God''s eyes.
and He's really amazing. the God that we have.
so what else can I do? but to trust in Him, that He knows what to do.
and knows what to do in Ben's life.

Just like for all the kids that are under the autism spectrum, some are brilliant (really) but don't know how to communicate.
God loves them all, for his love is UNCONDITIONAL.

God, help me remember this. and help me to love unconditionally as well. Amen.
Beat

2011-09-09T22:32:00.002+08:00

summary of what I did the past 5 days:

1) went to work, counted, taped, folded for hours that past by so fast but make my eyes go like o.0
2) rode cylon 4 times which was just CRAZY FUN. and I never thought I'd enjoy riding any roller coaster that much. in fact, I was just laughing and screaming the entire time.
3) read the hunger games/catching fire and I don't think I've read any other fiction book that fast in my life. then again, it's the holidays so I've had ample time to read.

so yes, this week has pretty much been about work, universal studios, and reading at a rate I think I'll probably need glasses soon.
work has been okay, apart from the fact that I really REALLY wished the aircon is fixed because it gets really hot in the shop house :/
and I haven't messed up, MUCH. I just hate answering the phone because 1) I get a heart attack every time the phone rings when it's less than an arm's reach away.. and 2) I don't know how to answer the customer's questions half the time cos' I have no idea what's going on..
BUT ANYWAY, there's still another day of work to look forward to.. and honestly I'm not looking forward to next week :/ but yes God, I know You'll get me through it no matter how tough it is..

oh and thanks to sam, I've been hooked on the hunger games series. I've finished 2 of the 3 books and it's just sitting there waiting for me to grab and start reading :) hehe well, I just wished exams for everybody was over already so I'd get to catch up with more people :/

ahhhh well.. enjoy the weekends everyone :)
TEAB :D

2011-09-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

At the foot of the cross,
Where I am made complete.
You have given me life,
Through the death You bore for me.

I lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross.

This song gets to me everytime :)

Thank You God, for getting me through thus far. Just a little under 12 hours till the holidays :)

2011-08-26T00:21:00.004+08:00

I don't want to compare myself to this world. Because I know I'd look at myself and doubt myself.
If only we can live in a world where no one would judge.
The way you look, how smart you are or what you do.
Does it really HAVE to matter?

I always feel vulnerable, and weak when I'm in school.
I see people with great ambitions and wonder why I don't think the same.
I feel pressurized knowing I don't want to disappoint my parents, and yet disappoint them time and time again over the years.
I'm a person guarded by morals, and yet the people whom I hurt the most are the people at home.
I picture what life would be like, living the life I could only dream.
I'd make people happy, I'd make my parents proud, I wouldn't be judged.

But, is this what I really want, or is this just.. fantasy? (okay this made me laugh)

In a world I'd live in, I want to be happy and be free and be at peace.
Yes, I'd still want to make the people around me happy and proud, and make God proud.
Being surrounded by the people and friends I love,
But not in the way I picture it now.

Why can't we all just do what we wanted to do in life, and not be rejected when "society doesn't allow it"
Of course, the world would definitely be a different place.
But you know, if only.

If only there was no such things as money, greed and hate.
If only there was no hurt, murder and pain.
If only people cared. And people knew God.
If only people would be guided by pure hearts and good intentions.
Wouldn't that make the world a better place?

I think I totally went off topic about the reason I came to blog in the first place.
I'm just tired of studying. And tired of trying.
You know, tests and exams aren't everything. And yet, they are essential the way education is run in the world.

I just want to be a kid again, and escape from reality.

2011-08-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

Looking at university entry requirements.. and wow :/
considering how I'm doing now, I really doubt I can enter a local university.
hmmmm :/ australian universities are options but school fees are just D:
and I doubt my parents are for the idea of me studying overseas anyway..
why can't I just be a bum my whole life :(

UWA/Curtin/Monash? my mind's just ________

God, help me to trust you with this big insecurity. Give me peace of mind and focus for the coming exams :/ This I pray, Amen.

2011-08-14T02:30:00.002+08:00

So I've finally finished reading "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult :)
I'd say it was a rather good read, mostly because I could relate to certains parts of the book.
And there are just so many thoughts running through my head.

I'd say Theo (in the book) is rather much like me. Or I like him, either one works.
It's scary actually, to see my thoughts being put out in black and white on paper..
But really, what does this make me? Am I a bad sister? Do I wish to be a part of a normal family with a normal older brother?
In response to the last question..Honestly, I'd be lying if I said no. But my answer wouldn't be yes either.
I don't know how to explain it or put it out in words.
All I can say is.. It's God's grace that has gotten be through and will get me through.

Yes? Okay I'm 2.40am and I'm tired. Off to bed I go.
This post just sounds completely incoherent but oh well.

G'NIGHT YO.
Beat

2011-08-09T02:11:00.004+08:00

what's currently playing :)

what's currently on my desktop <3
(note the hogwarts crest and alohomora heehee #potternerd)

what's currently on the google page!

so well, HAPPY NATIONAL DAY EVERYONE :)
I spent the last 2 hours printing, sorting, hole-punching and filing out all my notes according to chapters and tutorials (whihc brought out my inner OCD)
but I felt so accomplished after that whoo! hur, yea okay.

end sems are coming up really soon. and I pray I'll be able to scrape through and maintain my CGPA :/
yes, but okay. whatever happens, I must still trust God and know that HE holds it all.

really thank God for the weekend :) it was indeed an enjoyable one spent with lovely people :)
but well, today's a holiday so enjoy it everyone! :) this week's gonna fly by I know it.

BEAT ",

2011-07-25T00:16:00.003+08:00

SO SO SO SHAGGED.
I'm sunburnt, my feet hurt, I'm tired but today (sunday) was AWESOME :)
even though I didn't get to go for YM@church :/ but BFT went better than expected.

Just the night before I was talking to aggs on the phone saying we're gonna get trashed, and it'd be soooooo bad if we get kicked out after one game. HAHA.
but no, we actually lasted till the playing for semi-finals! GO WATAMI~
and even though our games were not FANTASTIC, we had had so much fun cheering and all.
and we dived like crazy haha oh yeaaaa~

got to see eunice after soooo long and her SRJC touch people :)
I officially love them! haha probably the best/nicest bunch we played with today.

woke up at such an ungodly hour, so early that even 14 wasn't even operating.
I had to catch a bus from the army camp instead (which was a wayyyyy longer walk)
and I saw a SR girl on the bus and APPARENTLY, she was on the team we played against for our very first game! heh.

we were all so shagged cos' the sun wasn't very kind to us :(
and we had too many long breaks in between our games. BUT. we did it! and that's all that matters.
to think we made it pretty far. haha

finally gonna take things slowly for a bit now that blacks are over.
THREE tests this week :/ and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it. especially for CAS.
but have faith beat! HIS strength, not MINE. remember that.

I'm gonna be like a tree, planted by the water. Trusting in the Father to keep me strong :)
I'm gonna be like a tree, planted by the water. Trusting in the name of the Lord ~~~

Thanks God, for this day you've made, and the awesome bunch of people that bring me so much joy and laughter <3

G'NIGHT. PEACE OUT.
Beat!

2011-06-29T23:38:00.003+08:00

So I haven't posted in a while..
Holidays weren't much of holidays because of CAS. WHICH MEANT.. We had to go to school because only labs 8&9 had accpac.
But thank God for people like Ophelia sihui and Pearlyn because I seriously had no idea what was going on half the time :/

The weekend that had just passed was good though :)
Went for "have a heart" with a couple of Ym-ers. AND MATT. Hahaha. To underwater world!! WHOO!
And we brought kids from child @ street 11 which is this childcare at AMK.
Esther and I got caught in the heavy rain from running across the road :( but at least the rain stopped by the time we got to sentosa!
And it was just sooooo fun :) I got to touch stingrays and sharks! :D and the dolphin and seal show was just AWWWWW :3
I'm sure the kids had a blast there. Seeing how Cheryl had to bring them on the travelator thingy 5 times. HAHA.

Things I've learnt from the 5 of them that Saturday:
1) Matt is actually pretty manly. HAHAH
2) Ding is a liar :( he promised me ice cream if I touched the stingray but didn't buy me any in the end :(
3) Reynard is so fatherly towards kids :) hehe it's so cute!
4) Esther is more normal than tiff!
5) Cheryl's LOVES taking the travelator (okay maybe not so much)
And 6) we're all macho people for doing so much manual labor!!

Haha but anywayyy..

An ex-student by the name of Juliah bee dropped by to give us a talk today.
And I was surprised because it didn't turn out to be one of those academic talks that other ex-students do.
So she graduated tp in 1998 (WHEN I WAS 5 :O) and was the top 2nd student in her year!
She went on the work in a bank and other business firms but found 12 hr jobs weren't her thing.
And in 2003, she discovered her love for community work and luckily(for her) the tsunami in indonesia was her first step to what she's doing right now.
She's been under a couple of organizations. Namely mercy relief, habitat for humanity and world toilet organization. And she spent time talking about her trips and her work there as the "WOMAN IN CHARGE" .
And it really is inspiring, how she spends months overseas to make the lives of others more comfortable.

But one thing that struck me the most was this.
She said (or rather some person) that "if you enjoy what you do, you'll never have to work another day in your life. "
And how true is that :/ and rather timely as well because I was just telling sam about school. And how im not enjoying what I'm doing in poly.
I can't imagine myself doing a desk job for the rest of my life :/

But it's never been my say, and I don't think it ever will be.
Not to be so pessimistic about it. But it's true.
But maybe.. God will open new doors for me in the new future.
Who knows.. Just be patient beat! And trust.

Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " - Phil 4;6-7

This verse was mentioned during combined service on Sunday.
And it's a verse that very close to my heart :) because it was what I held onto (?) in a way.. during O's 2 years ago.
And what a timely reminder it is, to fully surrender EVERYTHING to God and to have that peace in knowing He will always hold us in His hands.

Got back 2 results so far. 1 has been great but the other is just :/ but you know what,
I still give thanks because this will only push me more to do better for the coming tests and exams.

Lord, help me give thanks to You in everything. Even the bad things. Because I know you care about everything that's going on. Help me hand on to that for the rest of the week :) Amen!

Wow that was a rather lengthy post. But yea. Heh.

Beat.

2011-06-17T23:04:00.002+08:00

The past week had been rather demanding (PHYSICALLY)
thighs are aching soooo bad from training.
And playing touch itself is no small feat.
I have so much respect for the seniors cos their staminas are just like WOAHHHH.
And with training on Tuesday and Thursday AND CAMP TODAY.
But it was all fun :)

And camp today was well.. HAHA
Our group had really little people. Especially after 2 left and we only had the 5 of us to complete the games and do the performance.
But it went quite well. And we managed to get 2nd place!! Not bad ayeeee.
And 1st for our American idol skit. Haha my groupmates are awesomely talented :)

But I must say I feel so blessed to have such crazy and fun people in touch :)
Definitely people I'll remember when I leave TP!
and ohhhh boyyyy. I don't even wanna think of the pain when I get out of bed tomorrow morning D:

TPiranhas FTW :)
ferocious, committed, united indeed!

2011-06-08T19:39:00.002+08:00

WHY HELLO THERE :)
well, not all my papers are over yet, BUT ALL MY ACCOUNTING PAPERS ARE :D
oh yeahhhhh ~
they weren't greattttt but I'm just glad they're over :)

I know I've talked about this a lot. but I still don't get why I'm still doing accounting when I don't intend to pursue it. rarrr
but sihui is right about one thing: that every time you manage to balance your balance sheet and your answer is right, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD. hahaha :) the joy we get in doing accounting.

and there's one thing I've realised, my parents still remember things like period/product costs.
share capital dah dah dah.
I don't understand why I didn't inherit their love for the corporate world. haha
maybe I just spend too much time watching discovery travel and living, discovery channel, nat geo and all those sorts that it's inspired me to want to do something that I CANT. which is a bummer :/

but! I'm still waiting for God to open new doors for me,
to see what he has in store for me :)

can't wait for the last 2 papers to be overrrr.
and biz finance tomorrow starts at like 5pm?? LIKE WOW.
I think it's the latest paper I've had. haha

also, I love the smell of the study room :) it contains all the old memories!
like old computer games (putt-putt, pajama sam :D)
old photos (the one with me and my cousins hehe)
and just all the old books in the cupboards.

I realise I associate a lot of places by their smells! is that weird?
it's like how macs/kfc have that smell of french fries?
certain places just have smells that I remember from a long time ago :)
like parkmall, siglap centre, the study room! :)
I go to these places and they just smell familiar! hahaha
okay parkmall doesn't really count because I walk through there almost every other week..

but anyway, just a random thought. and a rather lengthy post.
if you read through this entire thing.
you win..

FREE SMILE COUPONS!! :D

In His love,
Beat :)

2011-05-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

OH! I forgot to mention about friday :)

so this lovely girl by the name of jin cheng asked me out for lunch (AND NO IT WAS NOT A BLIND DATE AS QUOTED BY JOEL KOH -.-)
and this basically started when ben lau asked if I was interested in joining TP's campus crusade for christ!
he added me into the facebook group, and in a span of a few days,
I got friend requests from so many people I don't know. hahaha
but yea, I figured they were from CCC. and it felt kinda... nice :) and welcoming.

so back to lunch. jin cheng actually went through quite a lot of trouble to meet me. haha
the facebook messages especially (which didn't quite work out because she doesn't have a smart phone), so she couldn't reply fast enough.
but yea, we met how lunch anyway on friday and it went pretty well :)
her age was a shocker though :O like REALLY.

so we basically got to know each other better, and she talked about CCC :)
and evangelism is something I've always wanted to be able to do.
I mean, not that I can't.. but I wouldn't consider myself to be very good at it. heh.
and well, I'll probably go down for their life meetings once mid terms are over and school starts again.

it was a blessed friday afternoon :)
oh and she wears threadless shirts too. + cool points for that! hahaha

2011-05-29T21:07:00.002+08:00

it's sundayyyy sundayyyyy!
today was mayday! well except the small group decided to give wcp a miss and we chilled at rach's house instead :)
I woke up at 8.28am (which was the time my dad banged on the door) and yea, my plan to get up at 7.30 didn't work out.
but I managed to get ready in 15 mins! :D and my parents chased after bus 48 (haha well sort of) and I prepared for the long bus journey down to serene centre!

I enjoy long bus rides actually :) there's something about them that lets your mind wander, and you're just able to enjoy music so much more.
plus, I was plugged into michael gungor :)

we did the usual games again: time's up, scattergories.
but things weren't AS entertaining after shar left. hahaha
and to think the few of us stayed there until close to 4. JUST playing games.
it was a rather chilled-out and blessed afternoon :)

so just some random things about the week:
1) I fixed the TLR camera, but I've yet to get film :(
2) touch rug has been rather enjoyable I guess. so maybe I won't quit after all! (but whether I can actually PLAY the game? well we'll see)
3) I've realised kenneth and I are on the same maturity level (HAHA) I mean, in terms of the shows we watch, and the random theme songs we know. FOR EXAMPLE: fairly odd parents, phineas and ferb, my shiny teeth and meeee :B and the list goes on. oh and clarence too. hahaha :)
4) I caught the flu from pearlyn leongggg. but it's not very surprising because i find I always fall sick during the exam period.

BAHHHH. must be disciplined this week :( I promise to camp out in the library to study :(

2011-05-27T02:08:00.002+08:00

I know this is rather random.

but I realised how blessed I am to have made new friends in touch rug.
friends who are all so willing to help and encourage each other.
and also all the craziness out on the field when we're doing our passes/defending/running awayyyyy.
like just now, bianca tried twirling around to confuse ber. HAHA yea, great distraction indeed.

I don't know, I'm just glad to have fellow sac people in it as well.
it just makes going for training more bearable :)

Thanks God :)

2011-05-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

I was such a downer today, and to the people around me.
not that I wanted to :/ but I think the pressure is starting to kick in.
especially since tests are coming up in about 3 weeks.

and it's strange how I seem to open up more to people I don't often talk to?
I don't really know why. but I just feel safer and more at ease in a way..

a lot has been on my heart this week. and it feels like I've been carrying a lot of weight.
it's time I journaled again.

I'm glad the week's coming to an end.
I feel like my mind needs to be emptied of all the things that have been making me feel so... down, and inadequate.

but I know in everything,
I'm still loved by my dear Father :)

Thanks God.
Beat.

2011-05-11T02:17:00.003+08:00

-thehopemovement.tumblr.com

it's the 11th of may! and tiff, mapes and sam called me at 12am.
OH IT WAS SUCH A FAIL. HAHAHA. but it was sooo funny. oh gosh.
tiff thinking that mavis was 17 when her birthday was in feb. sam singing off tune. TO THINK SHE'S THE ONE THAT CAN SING. HAHA LOVE YOU GUYS <3

and boyyyy am I tired. touch rug training was just o.0
all the drills is just madness! I need to start training. gosh.
but it's still fun! I mean, minus all the terribly painful things we have to do.
and plus when you have sac people together, we go crazy.
glady's is such a joke, seriously.
come to think about it 4 out of the 5 sac girls didn't even come from sport ccas. HAHA.
okay but ber WAS in cheer so she's used to all the tough drills. BUT STILL.
I admire the seniors man. THEY. CAN. RUN.
wait, not even run, LIKE FLY.

OH AND I FINISHED MY LAW TUTORIAL. FINALLY :)
I can sleep in peace :)
oh and I just found out people have been writing comments on my blog posts.
some even date back to like 2010. WOW.
so to all you mysterious readers, thanks for the encouragement :)
I know who you guys are! and I appreciate it :)

PEACE OUT YO.
Beat!

2011-05-08T21:44:00.002+08:00

Bethany Hamilton.

"Born into a family of surfers on February 8, 1990, on the island of Kauai, Hawaii, Bethany began surfing at a young age. At the age of eight, Bethany entered her first surf competition, the Rell Sun Menehune event on Oahu, where she won both the short and long board divisions. This sparked a love for surf competition within her spirit.

At the age of thirteen, on October 31, 2003, Bethany was attacked by a 14-foot tiger shark while surfing off Kauai’s North Shore. The attack left Bethany with a severed left arm. After losing over 60% of her blood, and making it through several surgeries without infection, Bethany was on her way to recovery with an unbelievably positive attitude. Lifeguards and doctors believe her strong water sense and faith in God helped get her through the traumatic ordeal.

Miraculously, just one month after the attack, Bethany returned to the water to continue pursuing her goal to become a professional surfer. In January of 2004, Bethany made her return to surf competition; placing 5th in the Open Women’s division of that contest. With no intention of stopping, Bethany continued to enter and excel in competition. Just over a year after the attack she took 1st place in the Explorer Women’s division of the 2005 NSSA National Championships – winning her first National Title."

All I have to say is, WOW.
Just so so sooo much respect that she picked herself up right after the attack.
it's amazing, GOD'S AMAZING :)
and she even said so herself in an interview I watched on youtube.
testimonies and people like these give me hope that there will always be a better tomorrow.
and that there is a plan God has for us, somewhere out there.
but we'll only know, when He thinks it's time :)

on a sad note :/
my maid's gonna be flying off tomorrow morning.
she packed up all her stuff and it's just gonna be weird not having her around :/ sigh.
I'm gonna miss her, I don't deny it. and I'll probably even cry at the airport :( BOO :(
we've been #soblessed to have her in the family for the past 14 years. REALLY.
it's just sad. to think about not having her around.
But Lord, I thank You so so much for the time she's spent here :)

You are good Lord,
And Your Love endures forever :)

Beat.

2011-05-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

the weekend didn't as planned. and honestly, I didn't expect it to go "well", in a way.

and sure the family time was good when nothing bad happened.
but most of it was just... :/
I'm glad I brought my mac and hard drive. I'm officially done with season 1 of criminal minds. all 20+ episodes of it!
came back a day earlier. (which means we only spent ONE night there)
sigh :/ well, that's my life. and it's something I've to accept.

I was lying in bed last night just thinking.
why God placed me in this family.
why autism exists.
why my brother's like that.
why other families are more "normal"
why God?

and I don't have a definite answer to why God has placed so many obstacles in my life.
but He's given me people who help me get through the pain of it all.
and I'm thankful and feel so blessed.

so we've all heard of osama's death. and I didn't really have much of a reaction to it initially.
but think of this. God died for people like osama too.
and like all of us, he was forgiven, and still freed of sin.
is that even fathomable? how AWESOME and FORGIVING God is?
it blows me away every time I think of it.

Beat.

2011-04-30T00:56:00.003+08:00

And it's the end of yet another week!
time seem to be moving so fast now :/
not looking forward to may actually. can't imagine when jie jie linda (maid) goes back for good.
she's been with us for close to 13 years now :/ 7 days left :(

sooooo I've been pretty much been sick the whole week and its starting to annoy me.
WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY GERMS WHY. its strange I haven't recovered really. WEH.
but OHOH. talked to my dad about the study trip to finland and he's SO FOR IT.
I emailed the lecturer and hopefully he replies soon.
I'm quite pumped for it :) well, that's if I get picked to go though.

and just some random stuff that happened yesterday (thursday)
1) I learnt how to speak french!
2) signed up for CIP with aggs
3) signed up for touch rug with aggs and ber (I STILL HATE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR THAT :( )
4) I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SIGNED ME UP FOR TOUCH RUG.

heading off to malaysia tomorrow over the long weekend.
I pray the journey there and back will be peaceful. and I mean PEACEFUL.
I'm counting on You God. In everything.

Dans son amour,
Beat :)

2011-04-27T22:42:00.002+08:00

Will things be really be okay?

I find myself shut behind the door, drowning in music as a form of comfort and a barrier from all the shouting that's going on outside.
It's like feeding a fire with water to put it out but it keeps burning anyway.
And the more you try to fight back, it fuels the fire even more.
I cry, because I'm frustrated and feel so helpless in such situations.
Knowing this will tie me down. All my life.
I don't want to see this as a burden, I really don't.
But trusting myself to count on the Lord just gets harder.
Teach me Lord, teach me.

"this is my life, I'm giving it to you. All my days, every way I will praise You."
I'm getting tired of my life. I'm tired of being a part of something I dread.
But how can I? When God's blessed me so abundantly.

Taking each step of faith, of knowing my life is in Your hands, is getting harder and harder.

I want that feeling of safety and refuge again.
I really do.

Beat

2011-04-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

Been reading ecclesiastes and I've gotta say WOW.
Reading it is kind of depressing really. Saying how everything is meaningless and a chasing after the wind.
But it really opens up a new perspective on how I see things.
Just a few more chapters till I reach the end of it. So till then..

And on a side note,
I pray I wake up with a voice tomorrow. Amen.

Beat

2011-04-26T16:40:00.002+08:00

went to sleep earlier than 12 last night. which is considered early in my books.
but yea, woke up at 3 in the morning feeling all icky and phlegmy and still with fever.
managed to fall back to sleep till around 7-ish. got up, drank some water and plopped back into bed under my covers.
and I woke up with a headache. the kind that makes you wince when you walk. hurhur.
went to the docs and I laughed when he told me not to eat laksa (cos' we had katong laksa on saturday)
doc prescribed pink cough/flu syrup, which looks deceivingly sweet but tastes horrid.
had some porridge at 10 plus and snuggled back into bed and slept till 2.

I was thinking to myself: maybe I should have gone to school. since the lecture was at 2.
And I probably should have, cos' I realise how I'll be missing out on quite a bit since it's an accounts lecture AHHH.
but yea, I'm hoping it's still understandable if I read the notes.
and so I've done nothing much today except lie on my bed and coughing up phlegm. urghhh
but I guess things could be worse right? haha

Beat.

2011-04-25T22:32:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling all germ-ish and cold and hot and phlegmy and infectious bleaghh.
woke up with a fever this morning, which wasn't really that high except I was aching all over and :S yea.
went to school anyhow for the make-up lecture.
attended biz finance and law today. both of which I hope I can get through this semester :/
and so, I came home, fell asleep on the couch.
brother made a fuss, went up to my room.
fever came back and I couldn't figure how to work the tp thermometer badge thing -.-
took a REALLY hot bath. which was hotter than usual.
went down to get dinner and brother still made a fuss.
RAR DAD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO OVERSEAS SO OFTEN :(
and here I am! still alive and waiting for my fever to break :)
what a first day of school. hahaha

But, I trust this week will get better.
Because my Lord Daddy is in control :)

ba da doo doo doo doo
BEAT

2011-04-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

- photo by xunliang!

wow has it been a long weekend. but what a way to end off the holidays with easter sunday :)
so thursday was the epic cycling trip with tiff at ecp!
we cycled from macs to changi village and back. BOY WAS THAT TIRING.
and on the way we encountered 5 lizards, 1 frog, and 1 SNAKE. yes, SNAKE.
that was probably one of the most terrifying moments of my life cos' I almost ran over the tail.
ended up with a reallllly bad sunburn but I still had to leave to meet sam for lifecon!

got to see liana and caught up for a little (PRISCHOOLBUSBUDDY/SEC1&2BUDDY) HEEHEE
but yes! lifecon was a blast. and definitely a different atmosphere :) but a good one :)
it's nice to see a school really looking up to God, and praising Him.
I mean, we didn't really get that back at sac. but then again, you can't reallllly compare.
OH, but how anti-climatic it was when they ended lifecon with the sajc college hymn. HAHAHA
school pride much. but yea :) I'm glad sam brought me along!

got the easter gifts done on good friday morning!
and then we had bible study/fellowship at rach's at night.
I just love these people so much :) the laughter they bring. REALLY.
it's nice to see how we're all maturing in Christ together :)
and you things are gonna get hilarious when we play 'time's up' and shar's playing. OH GOODNESS. MOST EPIC THING EVER.

sent my acoustic for repair on saturday :( and I'll only get it back next week :( sighhhh
but at least she'll be back and in playable condition. in the meantime :/

and today's EASTER! :D Christ is risen indeed :) and it's through that that we are truly set FREE :)
so today was pretty much:

wake up at 6:30/leave house at 7:30/reach YW at 8-ish/helped to usher today and gave out our kit kat!/small group/2nd service/small group lunch/found out mavis had a purple nose. HAHAHA/got lost in janice's car on the way to marina barrage cos' ronda is terrible at giving directions/FLEW A KITE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!/also the first time I actually went up to the open field at marina barrage/started to rain and we headed to katong/had awesome katong laksa :)/went over to katong shopping centre where we sang at teoheng for 2 hours/ALSO THE FIRST TIME I EVER WENT TO TEOHENG or any other karaoke place/found out that alicia is secretly very crazy inside. oh my.

today was fun :) and it was a good way to end off the holidays!
I'm gonna start my very first lecture of sem 2.1 in about 12 hours. AHHHH
wow, this was a rather lengthy post. hahaha

so have a blessed week in school everybody :)
In His Love,
BEAT

2011-04-21T01:05:00.003+08:00

My lovely cousins :) whom I'll be seeing this saturday YAY!

so we found out our new classes yesterday!
there was so much excitement over twitter over facebook and twitter, checking if we'd be in the same class.
and I've got to say I'm so very blessed to still have pearls and ophelia in my class! (:
God is so good :) and I've been complaining about having 3 heavy accounting mods this semester.
but at least I have the both of them to count on! well, okay no I should start learning to count on myself.
the timetable/s gonna be released later on today, and I guessed I have mixed feelings about school starting.
part of me just wants to get back into the swing of things and not do nothing at home.
but I know I'll take it all back when the deadlines for projects and what not come. haha

today's gonna be an adventure-filled one :)
meeting tiff to go cycling and to also snap some photos at the beach :D
packed my bag and my camera pretty much takes 1/2 the bag, along with a packet of OREOS :D and water!
and there's also lifecon with sam at night at sajc :)
looks like it's gonna be an awesome thursday!

just a highlight for wednesday,
I got through the day without quarreling with my mum. HAHA
well, not that we do everyday. but I meant argue over more serious stuff.
#Godbepraised :)

In His Love,
Beat!

2011-04-17T13:15:00.003+08:00

I'm back from church and I've gotta say, it's been one God-filled weekend :)

spent friday baking a rainbow cake for belle's 18th, which turned out be pretty hilarious when we got the cake out of the tin.
BUT. we managed to save it with butter cream icing, PHEW.
got to spend the night with friends over pizza and rainbow cake.
and we gave belle her spiderman bag. HAHA. but okay that wasn't her real present of course. we're not THAT BAD.
OH, but the most epic thing happened when we were waiting at the lift for marie and belle,
and we saw marie at the opposite block with a blind-folded girl in mj uniform.
ALL OF US WERE 0.O and we couldn't stop laughing. HAHAHA
So blessed to have friends like that :)

and then there was fusion yesterday :) went for the band dynamics workshop and picked up a couple of pointers.
the night was just filled with so much joy and praise. it's like, you can feel the fire and passion in the people around you and it was just so amazing :)
journaled about it last night, and I can't stop thinking of that vision I saw in my head.
God's amazing indeed :)

desperation band came to lead us in a time of worship this morning and it was just GREAT :)
it's amazing how these people, who come all the way from colorado. Jon Egan, rod, nico, jared and the rest of the band,
to know that they worship the SAME God as I do, that WE do. WOW :)

God, You are just so wonderful, beautiful, glorious and matchless in EVERY way.
I'll forever be in awe of Your wonder and glory!

So so so so amazed,
Beat

2011-04-13T01:11:00.004+08:00

oh, and just for kicks. haha

letfaitharise.tumblr.com :)

2011-04-13T01:04:00.003+08:00

Because when you love, everything bad seems to go away :)
Loving is giving, and giving without remembering.
It's something I'm still learning to do.
And when I can make people happy, it makes me happy :)

well, it's april already and a little late for a new year's resolution. haha
but may this year be about giving, out of love that overflows :)
because I want to be remembered as one who gives freely,
like how God gave His son to us.

Freely you gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross,
Great is the love, poured out for all
This is our God.

In His Love, and mine :)
Beat

2011-04-12T00:42:00.002+08:00

- Proverbs 16:9

just some random thoughts:
I wished I had an older or younger sister.
so confide in, to spoil.

it's just not the same with having a brother.
well, for it may be.
younger brothers are usually the annoying ones.
older brothers are the protective ones.

so to those who have sisters,
be thankful God gave them to you :) hahaha

and for me, I'm still learning how to treasure my family.
Beat.

2011-04-10T21:05:00.004+08:00

HELLLLLLO PEOPLE OF THE INTERWEBS :)

today was one tiring but wonderful sunday :)
bert's surprise turned out to be a success! :D and worship went well, well it always does cos' there's nothing more beautiful when people come together to give praise to our mighty Father :))
God You are good :)

well, I've nothing much to say about the hongkong trip!
there were some ups and downs, and LOADS of nagging.
but I got through the trip with my mum. hahaha
sam and I should just go on a trip to the states without our mums. that'd be awesome!

got back a day earlier and the my days have been filled with activities since then!
good to see the small group again over the weekend :)
lunched with kenneth and keefe. and I realised that our conversations end up to be about the most RANDOM things.
plus we end up rambling on and on and on and on.. well you get the drift. GUYS. pftt. hahaha but it was fun :)
and after that! I fell asleep on the train, then in the car, then on the couch at home, then finally for 3 hours on my bed after I took a shower. BOY WAS I SHAGGED.

but in that short 3 hours, I dreamt about going on a mission trip to cambodia with MSN Jesus :)
which I don't know if that will actually happen.. but it was a nice dream ;) hehe

on a random note, this is my 500th post! which isn't actually a lot. HAHA considering how long I've had this blog.
and and and, aren't the red pandas SO CUTE AHHHH I JUST WANNA HUG THEM THEY'RE SO FLUFFFFFYYYY!

KAY BYE! off to blast the PASSION 2011 album I finally got from paul! whoo!
BEAT :)

2011-04-02T02:32:00.006+08:00

Credits to thehopemovement.tumblr.com
:)

I've to be up in about 4 hours and it's off to hongkong for the next 6 days :)
Didn't think I'd be quite excited about it.
I guess I just like to take planes :) hehe.
And it'll be nice to get away from home for once.
A lot of negative feelings have been building up recently so this trip will be a good break for my mum and I! :)
Woooohooooo~

Too bad I'll be missing sacge at the annual guitar competition this year.
Something tells me they're gonna do well :)
I have faith in them. But only God's knows!
So I hope to hear good news from Amanda tomorrow!

I still remember our SYF year. We beat acjc, tpic and the other schools.
That feeling was just WOAH.
I hope they do too :) it'll definitely give them a boost before they're SYF.

Hopefully I'll have wi-fi in hk. If not..
That'd just be sad :/ meh.

Thanks God :) for being there.
Beat.

2011-03-26T22:54:00.003+08:00

first, I'd like to say I turned off my lights for earth hour! did you?!
which reminds me, I still have the earth hour shirt from fish and co. haha

last night was just terrible. I couldnt fall asleep and ended up sleeping close to 5am.
but before that met a couple of the fine nine for dinner at bedok 85 and then ice cream chef with clauds and yn after.
claudia decided to just crash my house for a bit and we ended up talking for 3 hours.
but it was.. nice :)
heart to heart talks are always God-given moments to me.
but it really reminds be how I'm #soblessed to have such friends in my life.
it's something I won't trade for anything else :)
and I learnt very interesting things that night. hahaha

alsooo.. I met up with amanda, pet, sherrill and angelyn for lunch today.
and I think I finally scored a job thanks to amanda. and it makes pretty good money too!
so at least I can finally work off all the money I've spent so far and feel less guilty.

tiff's overseas and we've been whatsapp-ing each other. oh and laura too :)
they're both currently in toronto!
it's amazing that even though they're both sooooo far away, messages get transmitted so fast!
and it still blows my mind. hahaha

everyone's overseas/in school/working now.
I've been hanging out with my mum recently. how cool is that. hurhur.
OH! but it's back to sac like finalllllly on monday :) that's something to look forward to!

Happy Sunday :) :) (well tomorrow that is.)
Beat.

2011-03-25T01:02:00.003+08:00

Just a little bit of nostalgia..
After the epic trip to pizza hut to redeem the free pizza, adding on orders of 12 chicken wings and a bottle of pepsi. AS WELL AS getting popcorn chicken, cheese fries and mash potato from kfc,
Yan Ning left me to go home first cos her bb battery was dying and she just needed to go home to get it -.-
Okay but not the point of this whole story.
So I got off at the stop and walked the usual route home.
But everything felt kinda different. The weather was cool, the roads were pretty quiet. And at 11:45am, things seemed so peaceful because everyone was either at work or in school :)

Never really thought much about my neighbourhood. But now that I think about it, I spent so much time as a kid playing with my neighbors and hanging out at the playground.
It's good to see that that hasn't changed. Kids and the maids/parents/grandparents would bring their kids to the playground at 5:30pm(which for some reason hasn't changed for the past 11 years) and leave by 7pm.
The times where we played catching, climbed on top of the money bars. When there was still SAND. They recently changed it to the.. I don't know what you call it. Rubber-ish AstroTurf kinda thing? And they changed all the equipment too :(
No more monkey bars, no more slides, no more see-saw. But that's just the playground near my house.
There are still a couple other playgrounds in the residential area.

And then there's the neighbours I grew up with :)
There's huangyee/wanyi whom I've known since FOREVER. we went to the same school. We were in the same class. We took the same school bus. Technically we lived under one roof cos it's a semi-detached house. Hahaha
But yea, it's nice to hav a friend and neighbor your age and who goes to the same school as you! So you can be sick and just tell the other to collect your homework. That kinda thing.
We carpooled in the morning in secondary school, we took bus home if we ended school at the same time.
We'd cab home just cos it's much faster and cheaper when the cab fare ends up to cost us $2:40 each. Hahaha
Yea those were the times :) good times :)
I'd climb over the railings to go to her house just cos it was more fun than opening the gate and wall over.
We'd have nights where I'd crash her place and we end up watching hk shows, eat noodles and then I'd climb back over at 1am to go home. Haha
These are just the few memories I look back at and smile to see how blessed I am :)
I mean, the reasons we went to sacps were totally different. But we still ended up in the same pri 1 class. Haha
And even though she now stays 5 bus stops away, we still hang out.

Just feel a little nostalgic. But it's always nice to look back :)
I'm indeed #soblessed to staying in such a wonderful neighbourhood.

Beat

2011-03-22T01:37:00.002+08:00

Right now, I feel like I have no purpose cos' I spend my day doing nothing - well both spiritually and non-spiritually
but then again, I shouldn't be leading the two separately.
I clearly remember having things I wanted to do this holiday.
looks like I should get back on track, start reading where I left off.

I can do this. I just need to find that fuzzy warm feeling I get whenever I'm at YM camp :)
and incorporate it daily when I journal and study the word.

trying is one thing, but meaning it is another.
and we sometimes forget that the second is more important.

God, You hold all these in Your hands.
may I come to be more disciplined in my actions.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5

Search my heart, take all of me.
Beat.

2011-03-19T00:31:00.002+08:00

excuse the spastic face, but nala's just so cute when her ears flop like that :)
lately it's been the one for the few reason I enjoy being at home.
that and the fact the I've stocked up my hard drive with 5 seasons of criminal minds and 2 seasons of modern family.

but in all that's been going on, I really wish I could get away from everything for a while.
if only my room(yes just my room, and maybe the toilet) could be plonked somewhere in the middle of a grassy meadow.
time all by myself, and God. a personal retreat maybe?

so the japan trip's been cancelled :/ which I am still bummed about.
but what matter's now is to pray for the country and the people that have been affected.
there will be opportunities to go back in the future! I still wanna go to the aquarium in osaka!
for now, (or the plan so far) is to go to hongkong. which I'm not very thrilled about.
but yea but sure. better than not going overseas at all.

it's officially the weekend again, and dad's finally back home.
Thank God, things just haven't been going well without him.
and I can say it's a first in a very long time since I've missed him this much.

and sam, if you ever see this..
thanks for the talk last night :) I really really reallllly appreciate it.
you're the best <3

it's friday (friedegg) friday (friedegg) no more! - by the way, I find that song, just. uhhhh yea.
Have a good weekend everyone :)

In His love,
Beat :)

2011-03-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

things happened over the weekend. and today as well.
happy and not-so-happy stuff.

and I really don't like to rant on and on about stuff.
but I think it just helps to get things off my mind.
and well, I was about to leave the house to meet the rest for dinner when my brother went through one of his "phases" again.

my mum got really angry, I wouldn't blame her.
okay, maybe not angry but just frustrated because he was just throwing a fuss.
and it's at times like this I wish I could block out everything.
block out the screaming, the shouting.
I told my mum to just go upstairs, and for the maids to go to the kitchen.
cos' my brother would probably stop if there was no one there to listen to him.
which was pretty much what happened according to my maid.

but one thing that struck me was that I teared when I talked to my mum.
I wasn't really.. SAD crying. but more of "I'm sorry I can't do anything more" kinda emotion.
and as I walked out I was plugged in and the song that was playing was "take heart" by hillsong.
really timely huh?

it's just hard, to imagine how things are going to end up.
and that's just one of the many reasons I'm not looking forward to growing up.
for fear of what's to come.

I'll post more on how sunday went, and the incident that happened after I left my house after all that drama.
but I'm gonna sleep now.. so
G'NIGHT!

Beat.

2011-03-13T01:17:00.003+08:00

week 1 of our 6 weeks holiday flew by.
and so many things have happened, good and bad.
got to catch up with people, amanda and petrina for one :)
talked about our lives, new people in THEIR lives. hahaha but yea, just a good time over lunch (till like 4-ish)

strictly pancakes with sam and dennis just yesterday.
and our time of monopoly deal where we had to let sam win cos' she was just SO BAD at it. HAHA
band rehearsal as well :)

then there's the earthquake in japan :/
it just hurts, and it's sad to see people having to suffer.
over a 1000 dead, and many still missing.
and I know it's selfish but I still don't want my japan trip to be cancelled. cos' I'd have to give so many things a miss.
(but really beat? you're worried about a holiday that can wait when there are people out there without HOMES to live in. that's just selfish.)

and it's at these times you begin to think, where's God now?
where's he when there's so much suffering in this world?

well,

He is standing right there in the rubble suffering with those who suffer, and weeping with those who weep and binding up the hearts of the broken hearted. God is there in the strength of that torn nation’s strong, resilient, people. God is there in the presence and efforts of every soldier, aid worker, and other participant working to cope with the initial stages of recovery in this disaster. God is there in the funds donated to aid organizations to individuals around the world. God is there in the prayers and concerns of those individual and others.

-thehopemovement.tumblr.com

So together, let's continue to #prayforjapan and #prayforeveryone

F20 is going on now. and a couple of us are heading down to camp challenge tomorrow as well.
I've a feeling something's gonna happen tomorrow night.
and personally, I hope to find something there too.

it's late and I've to be up early! but yes, I'm pumped for what's to come later on :)
may God move and may the congregation just sing praises to our King, for He is worthy :)

Beat :)

2011-03-08T02:10:00.002+08:00

I REALLY WANNA SLEEP. but I just felt like typing about stuff that happened today before these memories get forgotten!
okay, I know it sounds a little over-dramatic but knowing how GREAT my memory is. HA HA.

sooooo, went out with the FO peeps after a really long time!
yn, canice, royston, brian, ken, ber and iman!
had a good time catching up, playing games at minds cafe.
and jungle speed is AWESOME :)
hahaha it was so epic, and filled with so much laughter #soblessed :)

thinking back, it's been almost a year since poly started!
and these were the first few people I made friends with when I started my poly life!
well, excluding yn and ber of course.
it's nice to know that these friends will probably stick with you till the end.

also had a mass call convo with gail rach shar and kenneth on skype.
HAHA IT'S SO FUN. and it's so cool cos' we can hear each other! :D
which is nice cos' I kinda miss gail's whining and shouting hahaha.
but she'll be back in april so that's good :)
and I feel #soblessed again because it's these people in my small group that never fail to make me smile :) TEEHEE
God is good, so so good :)

oh, on a random note, I realised my birthday is SORTA coming up.
especially with everyone around me going, WHY ARENT YOU 18 YET.
CANNOT WATCH MOVIES, CANNOT GO CLUBBING.
but then again, these don't really matter to me? :/
I mean, I don't enjoy drinking alcohol realllllly. or clubbing for that matter.
and most M18 shows are either suspense/thriller or horror. SO OBVIOUSLY, I wouldn't watch them! hahaha
oh well, I enjoy being a teen really :)
I don't wanna grow uppppp.

and I don't wanna go over-the-top just cos' it's my 18th birthday this year.
I don't get why my mum always wants me to organise something, and having to invite everyone.
I don't like entertaning peopleeee. it's just, too many people and one time!
a day spent with friends is good enough for me :)
so according to yanning, she said to give my mum any of the fine nine's numbers.
ANY OF YOU READING THIS, HAHA WATCH OUT K :)
an besides, my birthday lands in the middle of the week, and I'll be in a new class, having to make new friends again :/ dang it..

but ah well, there's still at least 2 months till then.
FOR NOW, SLEEP!

Beat :)

2011-03-07T01:26:00.004+08:00

love wins. love ALWAYS wins :)

it was a beautiful sunday, in its own special way.
seeing faces that really mean a lot to me :)
bible study today was on matthew 5:21-26
most of us may have strained relationships with people, and we find it difficult to forgive.
and when sam told us to think about a person whom we may a strained relationship with, I thought of SOMEONE.

but honestly, this problem has nothing to do with the both of us, but with our parents.
it's sad to see photos of us when we were younger, all the sleepovers.
and now we've distanced so much.
my mum keeps comparing me to her, saying how she's in a jc. but well, my mum will never give that up and I've accepted that.
it's been I think almost 5 years since the whole incident happen.
and it's got me thinking, if my parents will ever be able to forgive and forget about it. to stop bearing the grudges because that only brings us down.

and liz brought up a good point to matthew as well. (oh and at this point half the group was trashing things out about who was right. it was actually quite funny hahaha)
but back to the point. she said that we CAN forgive a person. but it still doesn't mean we accept them for who they are, or what they did.
and matt said it brings us back to the point of what Jesus would do :)
which is so true. and I remember this from our missions training and what judy told us, what is the most LOVING thing.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13

Love is what God showed us when he sacrificed His son on the cross for us.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love is being loved and showing love.

So let love OVERFLOW from our hearts, because that's what Jesus would do :)

love, Love and more LOVE,
Beat :)

2011-03-06T01:47:00.003+08:00

The past few 2 days was spent just chilling with friends and I've missed that so much :)
Accounts paper turned out to be rather manageable PRAISE GOD :)
Went out with the classmates, claud's birthday chalet and then cambodiaONE's gathering at dennis' today!
It was so nice to just catch up with people.

And now with the 2 month break I hope I get to catch up with more people!
It's just something I want to fulfill this year,
To be more a part of people's lives. To support and encourage them.
Just to have love overflowing from me to others :)

But one thing I know is that it has to start from home,
No matter how hard it is :/

But whatever it is, Im sure God will show me ways to do so.
Even if it seems impossible.

For nothing is impossible with God and through God :)

In His love :)
BEAT

2011-03-03T13:35:00.002+08:00

Just another 3 hours till my first year in poly's done.
And just another hour till we face our most dreaded paper.
I just pray that the effort I put in yesterday pays off.
Even though I'm quite certain I'll forget SOMETHING or just be extremely careless. Like I always am.
My course grade for FA2 is the same as it was for FA1
but who knew I did so bad for my paper than my overall grade got pulled down to a C+

But... That's not the point. I guess I don't feel as confident or prepared as I should because ms Goh already told us it's gonna be difficult
And I've a feeling everyone's gonna come out of the exam room going like WAH LAU EH. That kinda thing.
Hahaha but again, I won't know what's gonna happen. Only God does.
So I might as well lift my doubts to Him and trust in Him to get me through this next few hours :)

Till 4:30pm and after!
Beat :)

2011-03-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

Kinda miss the feeling of being in an ensemble,
When everyone plays their different parts that make up beautiful melodies and harmonies
I think it's been almost 2 years since I've played in an ensemble.
Assuming the last time I ever did was in apr 2009.
Time really flies huh.
All the rushing out of proposals, collecting the props room key
Chasing people out of the props room so we could lock up,
The unstacking of chairs, setting up and then having to stack them up again
The drills we used to do running down the staircase, making a round round the basketball court and back up into the MPR
And then everyone is focused on the conductor, taking our breath in sync with the baton.
Shouting and people. HAHA okay it wasn't that bad.

Hopefully I'll get to meet up with Amanda and Petrina next week :)
It's been long since the P and 2VPs have seen each other.

So blessed to have such memories and friendship :)
Beat

2011-02-28T00:58:00.003+08:00

Updates about the crazy exam prep.
Eons is done and biz stats starts later on at 9:30am
All that hypo and sampling/normal dist. Better stay in my head.
Is it strange that the paper I feel most prepared for is OB?
that's just crazy. More or less memorized everything. But I haven't recapped in the last couple of days so I've no idea whether it stayed in.
Really pray the paper goes well and the cramming after that for OB.

Lots of emotions today :/ Took the train to church because I didn't want to squeeze in the car.
Felt rather happy in the morning but then came the realization I haven't done much for accounts while on the way to dhoby.
Oh God, I pray You give me strength to get through this week.
And once FA is over on thurs. You'll see me doing a happy dance outside the MPH. Hahahaha
Okay maybe not. But you get the point.

You're above anything thrown my way.
Indeed You are God, indeed You are :)

Have a blessed week y'all :)
Beaaaaaaaat!

2011-02-22T21:52:00.003+08:00

My Mum recently got a book titled "Come into my world"
And it's about families with kids who have autism.

My dad told me to read it, especially since there were 2 stories written were contributed by siblings of these kids.
And it turned out one was written by a girl named BEATRICE TAN.
Hahaha coincidental much? She has a brother named BENJAMIN which is still similar to BENEDICT and they're 3 years apart too!
Well, except she's the older sibling.
But that's not the point.

I agree that we do face similar struggles. But honestly, no one can truly understand how I feel about being in a family with a brother whose diagnosed with autism.
Sure some may be worse off that others. The severity of autism varies greatly.
And this Beatrice happens to be only 15 years old with a 12 year old brother.
Boy, she doesn't even know what's lined up for the rest of her life.
But it is encouraging to know that she's Christian too. And she knows that God has placed her brother in their family for a reason.

I admit I still struggle with it.
With the attention, the unfairness.
And what I have ahead in my life, that what I do in life, my brother had to be taken into consideration.

My dad works hard so that he can save up money for the both of us,
Especially for my brother.
And they've already told me, to find a husband that doesn't mind the fact I have such a brother.
Heh. Yea I know right.

I could have this long list of things I HATE about being in this family.
But I also have one that has things I LOVE about them.
I pray the positive one gets longer as I grow older.
I'm only about 1/5 through my life.
Assuming I live up to almost a 100 years old. Hahaha

Just some thoughts,
Beat

2011-02-22T01:03:00.002+08:00

Feeling more and more distant from my really good friends.
And while memorizing OB it says that time spent with friends and your physical proximity affects the group cohesiveness. And I felt that really applied to me for some reason. heh.
Stayed home to study OB cos it's the only place I can MEMORISE things. And I've this strange habit of bouncing a stressball of the wall and catching it when I memorize a point or sentence. Yea. That's how I roll.
Meeting poly classmates for FA revision though.
Which I admit I haven't started on but I wanna complete whatever I need first so that I can focus on it TOTALLY.
But really thank God for the group of them who've been so helpful. Especially Si hui. The fact that it's second nature to her is just.. Disgusting. Hahaha
But yes, I Thank God for that! :)
Revised macro, and just 3 more chaps of OB to memorise.

For we are blessed in our weaknesses.
And we can lean upon His strength :)

Beat.

2011-02-15T21:36:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking about stuff lately.

about school, about commitments I think I should be making (to myself, and to God)

but of all times... WHY NOW.

maybe God wants me to think about things carefully before I actually do it :/

ah well, just 2 more weeks till the first year of poly will be over.

but what's next?

For if the son has set you free, you are free indeed.
so many barriers to overcome,
but it's all about time, HIS time.

2011-02-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

I just remembered I promised I wouldn't use the laptop until finals are over so.. :(
SIGH. well on the upside, the closer exams get, the closer our hols too!

cds tests yesterday was... well. I dont know.
hopefully my presentations can score me an A!
I'm supposed to start on macro today, but that obviously hasn't started.
I haven't even started on FA yet. OH GOSH.
procrastination.

spending time in YM always makes me happy :)
seeing all the familiar faces. and it WAS a god day today!
got to ride in matthew's new white volkswagen beetle :D even if it was just a ride to PS. HEHE.

I also got my CDs from dennis today! OH YEAAAA
3 new albums to listen to while I study :)

okay, so I guess I'll be on a hiatus till further notice.
so for all you having exams, GO GUYS YOU CAN DO IT!
and if you're just piled up with a lot of work, hang in there ;)

let faith arise :)

In His Love,
BEAT :)

oh, and happy birthday kenneth!

2011-02-06T22:10:00.002+08:00

and cny's finally over! I gotta say, despite how nice it was spending it with friends and family. I'm glad it's all over.
I think I've had enough of large crowds of people for a while. I need my alone time. and time to settle down and focus for the upcoming avalanche of tests/deadlines/presentations and exams.
well the good news is it'll all be over in a month. bad thing, I haven't exactly started.
but what makes things harder is the projects we have to juggle in between which isn't giving me much time to get any studying done! ahhhhh :/

but besides all that, today was good :) great worship led by sam :)
great bible study led by shar and phay. ushered for 11:30 service even though I attend 9:30 service. hahaha
lunched with kenneth who couldn't stop emo-ing that gail is now away in kangaroo land. SIGH.
got my study bible :) which turned out to be $40 cheaper than I expected so yay! :)
I've covered a couple of books but I guess I'll probably re-read them nowwww.

kinda :/ about going back to school. but I know God will make it better somehow!
committing this week to You God! shall go to school with a positive attitude tomorrow :) :)

shall get some psych mind-mapping done.
I've yet to finish my accounts. but like that's never happened before huh. hahaha

Striving to serve always,
Beat!

2011-02-04T03:12:00.003+08:00

IMMA REBEL. hahaha today was a good day :) praise God!
started out the morning by going to the columbarium, and did the usual rounds of visiting.
which wasn't much really. heh! the afternoon was more interesting :)
went to uncle vincent's place and we had the most DELICIOUS food by our very own talented cook/housewife!
she makes the BEST ngoh hiang ever,I'm not even kidding. hahaha

got to see cousins and nephews/nieces! it's funny how we only see each other twice a year, cos' we stay all over singapore.
but it's not like singapore was very big to begin with. but they are coming over on sat again :) so that's' something to look forward to!
sent shanny off at the airport. and us FINENINE/BENTEN/SEVENELEVEN HAHAHA. okay no.
I just love them to bits, they don't even know it.
we're the most retarded people when you put us together, words can't even do us justice. HAHA
but yes, shanny's gone again (at least until the end of the year!) so we'll see her then :D
and she managed to surprise her with the awesome hamburger cake on tuesday and TODAY! with our BYE SHANNY WE'LL MISS YOU!!!! papers at the airport. HEHEHE :)

tomorrow will be another round of steamboat with the dorks and then cambodiaONE peeps are coming over at night!
CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT!
and I should probably go sleep now :/ BLEHHHH

HAPPY RABBIT CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE :)

In His Love,
Beat.

2011-02-02T01:56:00.002+08:00

WHY HELLO PEOPLE OF THE INTERWEBS :)

it's another random post, and it's currently 2am in the morning.
AND YEA WE HAVE A LONG WEEKEND COS' OF CNY! WHOO!
reunion dinner later today and I can't wait! lots of yummy yummy food :)
also can't wait to see my cousins again! lots of visiting but it's just nice to see the whole family together!
with all the laughter, and the little ones :)

on another random note, I've been talking to laura on whatsapp recently!
and it's funny cos' canada's 13 hours behind and it's always night time when it's day here and vice versa.
so we end up spamming messages for each other to reply. hahaha
but it's good :) to just catch up! and to think she's already in Uni! when she's 17!
and I've yet to even complete my first year in poly. WOW.
but we found out we're actually quite similar! I mean, in the things we're interested in. and it's also good to know she has a cell group there as well, and she goes to church with her friend! I guess it's just nice to know there are people there who can look out for her :)

anddddd I also ordered something off ebay :) HEHE. hopefully I get the bid!
I'm not gonna say what it is now, but the time will come! I'm quite excited really :)
OKAY TIME TO SLEEP.

PEACE!
Beat :)

2011-01-31T21:58:00.003+08:00

HELLO ALL :)

it's a start to a new week! and I thank God for the weekend that has passed :)
it was a good break to the busy week of school and sunday was filled with awesome fellowship with the small group!
these guys never fail to make my sundays better every time I see them! thanks God :)

and even though our picnic plans at botanic gardens failed cos' of the rain, we shifted over to rachel's house which was just a 5 minutes walk away :D
played games and had food. and HAHA playing guessing games with them is so epic really. had a blast!

sooooo it's CNY this week and because of that classes are cancelled and we only have a 1 hour-ish tutorial tomorrow! WHOO!
and well I better enjoy this week as much as I can before it's hardcore mugging for the upcoming end exams.

"14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:14-19

For Your love never fails, it never gives up, and it never runs out on me (:
Teach me Lord, how to serve. With a heart that trusts Your will.

In His Love,
Beat

2011-01-28T01:49:00.002+08:00

okay, I think I finally hit my breaking point.
I think everything piling up together is just a little overwhelming.
and since I can't go back to sleep, I might as well try studying for the test tomorrow.

I'm unprepared, I'm scared, and I really don't know how this is gonna work.
and I'm questioning God again, if this is really His plan for me.
I wanna say I can't take it anymore. but I think it's just later I'm stressed about.
pretty sure things will be okay once the time hits 8PM tomorrow.

countdown: 18 hours.
come on beat, all you need is to last just a little bit longer.

For strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

Beat.

2011-01-23T23:26:00.003+08:00

today was such a beautiful Sunday :)

I woke up later than expected, but I got to church by 8.35am!
It's nice being early, without having to set up for worship(haha)
well cos' I only needed to be there at 9 for ushering

I went to sleep at 3am thinking of ALL the things I had on my to-do-list today.
but everything just fell into place :) praise God!
helped kenneth taped string to the floor too. haha
gathered with the CambodiaONE people to pray before our sharing with YM :)
and I was reminded again of of all the good memories and joy we experienced a mere 3 weeks ago in Cambodia.
I just couldn't stop smiling to myself when I watched the video :) :) :)

ushered today (in a reallllly long time), and I'm glad I did!
sat with the team as well during service! to root tiff and wenshien who shared :)
and the sermon by mastor alvin on the fruit of the holy spirit!
YES, DISCIPLINE IS THE KEY.
and it's something I really struggle with :/
but I'm reading the bible daily again, completed 1 and 2 Corinthians in the past 3 weeks!
and I pray this keeps up :)

lunch with the small group today, and with gail before she flies off for kangaroo land on thursday morning!
it was good fellowship :)
so thankful for the few that are so committed, really am :)
and for kenneth, whose humor just cracks me up all the time.
you've been a great guitar-pokemon-philotheos buddy! and to the group as well!

I haven't had time to really sit down and do my quiet time cos' of all the projects and work to do D:
and this week's gonna be one dreadful one.
with FA class test on friday night.
haven't studied, and it's not that I don't want to.
but it's just the fact that I know I probably won't do well even if I tried to.
WHICH IS BAD. no I can I Can I CAN!
For all things is possible through Christ! :)

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." - 2 Cor 11:30

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE! :)

In His Love,
Beat

2011-01-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness, comes a light
I hear Your voice and this is my awakening

To be so emptied of this world,
that I can be filled with His goodness.

It's time I feel I need to grow up.
No matter how scared I am of the future.

That feeling of peace in knowing He's got your back all the way :)
Amen.

In His Love,
Beat

2011-01-17T02:03:00.002+08:00

it's the 3rd week into school. which equals 5 weeks left of my 1st year in poly.
blogging at such an ungodly hour since I got a couple of things on my mind :/
I've been feeling rather inadequate lately I guess. when I shouldn't, I know.
but I guess it's just unavoidable.
being in a class and a course that's just TOO GOOD for me.
and the irony that I'm in accounting and finance but do so badly for my financial accounting. heh.

lot's of things to do. and I really hope I make things work.
to finish off the 2 years left of school I have, and to see what God has in store for me.
whatever that is.

I'm 18 this year. and being back in children's ministry with sam today(okay no yesterday) made me feel so old. hurhur
it's a year where I hope my small group will really grow. and that includes me as well.
come on beat, you can do this.

13 For this reason the one who speaks in a tongue should pray that they may interpret what they say. 14 For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays, but my mind is unfruitful. 15 So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding. 16 Otherwise when you are praising God in the Spirit, how can someone else, who is now put in the position of an inquirer, say “Amen” to your thanksgiving, since they do not know what you are saying? 17 You are giving thanks well enough, but no one else is edified. - 1 Corinthians 14:13-17

hmmm ",
beat.

2011-01-06T02:13:00.002+08:00

HI GUYS :)

Got back from Cambodia on sunday afternoon but I still have so much to catch up with at school.
the trip was just beyond amazing, God is just so indescribable.
I've learnt so much in the 8 days I've spent with the CambodiaONE :)
Just so blessed by the people there and the team that God has put together.
Everything felt so God-led whether it was in ministry, in worship or even the things that didn't go according to plan.
Spiritual warfare was one that hit us on this trip but I think it's only made some of us stronger in our faith than we already were :)
And I just felt God's love in the kids. and to put it into words is just so hard, but I just smile whenever I think about it :)

I'll never forget the fun we had on the tuk tuks, caroling on new year's eve, the fireworks we watched from the rooftop, the worship that we had till 2am on new year's day, and when we went crazy at the angkor wat!

Such God-moments with God-given people :)

I feel so blessed!

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
- Ephesians 4:4-6 ♥

2010-12-23T01:10:00.004+08:00

CLICK TO ENLARGE!!!

HELLO THERE :)
so mid sems are over, YM camp 2010 is over, and the mission trip is coming up in a just a couple more days! :D

camp was just, WOW. I guess I don't have the words to describe it.
but it has been really good. and I've been just so blessed by the people around me this year.
God is truly AMAZING.

to see how God has worked in so many of the people I'm close to,
to see how their faith has grown stronger,
to see how that desire for their hearts to be on fire for God :)
WOW. haha

I went to camp seeking 2 things! and I can say that God just blew me away :)
and to be touched on the only 2 nights I stayed over, to hear and read the testimonies from so many people,
I'm just encouraged so evermore! and I can't wait till cambodia, may the angkor wat just fall and crumble in it's place for the love we have for our God and His people is just so much greater than that!

I have a really long testimony, but I'll post it in a post shortly!
technically, I'd just be copying and pasting from the e-mail I've sent out to some people.
so if you wanna read it :)

In His Love,
Beat :)

----------------------

Hello my dear friends :)

YM camp 2010 has just passed and it was really amazing to see how God moved in so many of the youths. Plus it's been really encouraging to see so many notes up on facebook! I can't stop smiling to myself whenever I read them :)

For myself, I guess I don't have the guts to post a note on facebook cos' I'm rather incoherent HAH. but I'd just thought I'd share something with a few of you guys I feel have really made my walk with God this year just exceptionally special.

I came to camp feeling rather tired cos' of the tests that passed. Not all went as well as I thought but I give thanks to God anyway for it! but I was also really excited to see what God would do this year. I guess a lot of us would say it was different. The past 2 camps were in a way more "serious" and without the hype. But I guess it's also cos' of that, I haven't seen how much joy we can all have TOGETHER as a youth ministry. and THIS camp really changed that! on the last night I just felt so free and happy and filled with the JOY and LOVE it's simply indescribable :) seeing everyone just letting loose and go crazy, and the projector screen moving up and down. I really couldn't stop laughing and smiling to myself :D oh and the fact that I saw that kenneth snapped one of his guitar strings AHAHA. but it was still all good! and one thing that was different this year was that, it really wasn't the "hype" that got us all jumping but instead, the pure JOY in knowing He is God and that His love for us endures forever :) *cues in JOY UNSPEAKABLE THAT WONT GO AWAY!* and that is just so true. because no one can ever take that JOY in knowing God away from us!

That night my small group got together to share, and one thing I came to camp seeKing was really for God to give me something to take back so that our small group will stay close knit and also that we'll bring more of my small group members to camp as well! and God really really surprises you when you least expect it. back from my first YM camp in 2007, I think there were 4 of us. this year, NINE of us came to camp. and it just warmed my heart to see my fellow brothers and sisters coming because to me it was a really big step in coming into closer relationships with each other, and also being accountable for our walks to each other. and pastor terence also talked about how we need to be image-keepers and bearers to each other in our groups. God was just so true to me that night :D

The next morning Ding asked the two team to step out of worship for a to pray outside for the the team leaders, and I walked out with charis. soon after, janan came out and oh boy. The band was playing 'The One Who Saves' and janan and I jumped and jumped and jumped like nobody's business, it was just so great to feel so FREE and JOYFUL :)

One thing I brought back home from camp is really the peace, love and joy in knowing that God's love for us is so amazing :) and I pray that I'll really step up in my walk next year as well :) So I hope you are blessed/encouraged by this rather long testimony, but more importantly just take heart in knowing that He is always there when we need Him :)

2010-12-14T00:25:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired of studying OB :/ and I'm still at motivation. I advent even gone on to behavior mod and group dynamics yet. Such procrastination.
It's just the sudden motivation disappeared :/ what irony right. I'm studying motivation and I'm not motivated to study. Well that's cos I have a low need for achievement and I don't inte to realize my full potential.
Oh wow that's applying it right there.

But jokes aside, I really should get bak to studying.
I guess all I'm thinking about is camp.
I've been rather dry lately. I don't think it's a bad thing.
I need to find that hunger again.

To think we're studying so hard for a 1 hour paper amazes me.
Just 3 days to Friday.
And OB, stats and most importantly, FA to conquer and I'll be free on Friday to head down to PGP and shut myself out from the world.
That's what I like about camps, you cam get away from everything.

And to think I have to live my 3 years of poly with exams in December.
AHHHH D:

Rather :/ tonight.
Beat

2010-12-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

MID SEM TEST WEEK AHHHHH
and it's scary how I haven't exactly started studying for accounts cos' I dread it so much :/
hardcore mugging on tues and wed for FA man!
macro's tomorrow but I'm not THAT worried about it :) I just hope I don't blank out like I always do.
but other than the papers this week I'm most looking forward to camp :D :D :D
kinda bummed I'm missing the first day but glenda and I intend to cab to PGP after our paper ends at 10am. haha

CAN'T WAIT! :) I CAN DO THIS :)
through the strength God that is :)

HAVE A GREAT WEEK YOU ALL! :)

In His Love,
BEAT :B

2010-12-06T22:11:00.003+08:00

For knowing my God is greater and mightier than all my troubles, I take heart in that :)

retreat this year was really reallllly good. and I was really reminded of that fact why I joined philotheos and ushers, and the true meaning in serving.
God has really blessed this year with God-given friends.
the second day of retreat was spent so much on praying. and it really warmed my heart to see how many hearts were united across the different sub-ministries to usher others to God.
small group met on the second night to just talk and the time was just WOW.
kenneth said it'd only take 5 mins but we ended talking and praying till past 12am.
and to me it's a really big step in how we're growing as a group. even though it was only shar, clarence, pris, gail, kenneth and I, the time just felt so nice and heart-warming :)
and knowing that we're finally growing together in our faith is something that makes me so happy :)

and with people like tessa, wen min, glenda, yannting and the others that made retreat so fun!
oh gosh wen min and her russian/mr bean impressions. SO FUNNYYYYY. HAHAHA

so these 3 days just made me reflect and be thankful for what God has given me this year.
looking forward to camp and cambodia WHOO! :)

and I know exam are not gonna be easy. but I can do it :/ right?

In His Love,
Beat :)

2010-12-01T10:18:00.002+08:00

HAPPY FIRST DECEMBER!

there's just 31 days left of the year and wow, this year really flew by.
it seemed even faster than 2009! and I guess this last month with be pretty much filled with prep for mid sems and cambodia!
but I really can't wait till the 17th! cos' that's when I'll finally be FREE.

and well, I found out this week that I'll be missing the first day of camp :(
SIGH, but at least I can still make it for fri-sun! leaving poor claudia alone AGAIN. haha
clare smsed us yesterday to tell us we were in MALACHI! whoo!
I still remember when glenn and I were GLs together. HEHE.
ahhh good times :)

so christmas is only 24 days away! and there's something about december that always makes me so happy :)
I guess my mum would ALWAYS bring me to some metro/john little sale when I was younger to pick out presents so that feeling just makes me so happy :)
but now that I'm 17. HURHUR. I guess I'm looking forward to more of being surrounded by God-given people at sub-min, church camp and on the mission trip.
this year has really been GOOD I can say. and I just remember what tiff said about us preparing our own testimony before we go to cambodia, looks like I've to get started!

school starts at 3. but I've still gotta bathe the dog.
and then start on that oh-so-gret study plan I came up with yesterday!
let's hope I actually stick to it this time.
submin's also coming up this friday :) yay!

ENJOY YOUR DECEMBER GUYS :)
BEAT!

2010-11-26T01:17:00.002+08:00

And forever I will pray, have Your way.

I guess some things are easier said then done huh? but I'll keep hanging on. knowing there my God is greater than all my worries.

it's 1.19am and I'm thinking how Im gonna cram 6 weeks of OB, bus stats, macro econs and FA2 by the 13th of dec.

on the upside, it's now less than a month till christmas and a month to camboda :)

and now, back to OB. I wish I could cuddle up in my bed :/

In His Love,
Beat.

2010-11-24T01:54:00.003+08:00

gosh I need sleep.
clearly prioritizing my time isn't what I'm exactly good at.

met chan for lunch today in school.
and we were talking about where we were thinking about going after graduating.
I've always envied chan, cos' she has this whole plan she's already done for herself.
how she wants to get the scholarship to study overseas, what she wants to do in the future.

I'm just the complete opposite. hur.
I get to choose to go the the accounting/finance side when we hit year 2 or 3. and well.
I just don't wanna do business.
sure I wanna go into a good uni and get the qualifications, get a good job.
but this isn't something I see myself doing 10 years from now!

I kinda wish I said yes when my dad asked if I wanted to go to australia to study before O's.
the only subject I seem to enjoy in school is world issues. cos' it's interesting!

I'm pretty sure I blogged about this before,
but with mid sems coming up in 3 weeks, I realised I NEED to do well in my FA.
no more getting Cs. I need a 3.7 CGPA :/ and I'm currently at 3.4!

GAHHHHH.

God, show me why I should hold on to this. why?

Beat.

2010-11-22T22:37:00.003+08:00

it's a start of a new week!
and mid sem tests are coming up in 3 weeks :S
which is both a good and bad thing.
bad cos' well, AHHHHH. and good cos' that means YM camp is coming! :D

and claudia's coming along again :) but without marie this time :(
ahhh well. I still remember how they were stranded in a group by themselves without me last year. HA. HA.
and liz is coming for camp this year toooooo :) YAY!
but I can't wait till camp! and it's only 33 days left to cambodia :O
lots of stuff to prepare before we fly off! skits, props, packing, jabs, worship booklets. SO. MUCH. THINGS. and so little time left!

it's probably a smarter idea to get started on my bus stats tutorial now.
I hate school :( bahhhhh
praying for a good week, having to start on so many projects isn't really fun :S

Counting on God,
BEAT :)

2010-11-18T23:19:00.003+08:00

HELLO WORLD!
it's 11.20pm right now, which means it's only 20 hours and 20 mins till the DEATHLY HALLOWS! AHHHHH :D
haha, but more importantly! 37 days, 22 hours and 38 mins till cambodia!

so CambodiaOne had our boot camp/retreat at this clubhouse called seventy-nine which alicia managed to get for us cos' she used to go to grace methodist church!
the place turned out to be pretty cool, with a pool and fooseball table.
there was a band set up too but we couldnt figure out how to turn on the sound system. HAHA.
the stayover was fun :) devotions and worship, practicing for the skit. JOEL OMG. hahaha
and taboo! I've learnt that charis and bra are actually really funny people!
sleeping with the girls, no wrong. sleeping with ronda is gonna be welllllll, AN EXPERIENCE.
we laughed so much the guys could hear us down the hall. hahaha

we went to ecp the next day to teach amanda how to cycle!
and she did! SO PROUD OF HER :)
and God really blessed us with good weather!
it was pretty hot and then the sky started getting darker. but the wind was SO shiok man!
and it started to drizzle right after when we got to joel's car :D
everyone except amanda, jon and li hao headed over to my place to chill!
we surprised charis with a small cake for her birthday!! watched letters to God, had pizza and played taboo.
OH GOSH. watching everyone play taboo is hilarious. HEHE

well, it's 12.52am now. HAHA well I'm watching half blood prince now so I got a lil' carried away..
looking forward to the weekends! :)
I really thank God for all the blessings, for the team He has put together :)

well this has been a rather short but took-really-long-to-post post! haha

In his Love,
Beat :)

2010-11-11T00:16:00.002+08:00

MY FRIENDS ARE GANGSTAS YO.

HAHA. it's already past 12am?! :O
met chan, yn, ags and claudia tan (who decided to crash tp today) for lunch in school!
talked about the most nonsensical stuff. like we always do.
and we went on to the topic of remembering each others phone numbers,
AND I actually remember agatha's home and hp numbers. HAHA.
but then again, we've been in the same class from p1 to p6! not surprising really.
and chan, I've known her since p5! if you count the taekwondo years, it'd be since p3 (BUT SHE SAYS SHE DIDNT NOTICE ME :( ?!)
AND SARA, omg same class since p1 right through to sec 4. HARDCORE YO. haha
come to think of it, I've known the friends I'm close to now for at least 4 years.
it amazes me how God has blessed me with such awesome people in my life, who get my humour, and really friends I can tell ANYTHING about. even if it means random facts like, EH CHAN DO YOU KNOW THAT ELEPHANTS CAN'T JUMP?!
haha okay. THAT, I didn't really say to her. but I shall! one day.
AND SO, I'm really excited that all of the fine nine can make it for the deathly hallows next friday! :D :D :D

so anywayyyy, I only have 2 hours of school tomorrow cos' our WI tutorial is cancelled tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP.
but it also means travelling to school, go for psych, AND THEN LEAVE SCHOOL >.<
but what am I complaining for. IT'S A SHORT DAY TOMORROW :)
I just finished my OB tutorial and finally read about the five meta trends for world issues.
maybe I shouldnt use my laptop on weekdays.
pretty sure I'd be way more productive that way.
kinda dreading to start on my FA tutorial :/ I suck at accounts BAHHHH.

I've been high!
I've been low-oh!
I've been yes, and I've been oh hell no!
I've been rock 'n roll and disco!
Won't you save me San Francisco?
- Save me San Francisco

BEAT :)

2010-11-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

just a few shots from friday! haven't uploaded them to fb yet! shall do them another time :)

the weekends were pretty good :)
jammed with liz upstairs after small group HEHE. we need to do this more often! and I need to memorise more chords!
cambodia meeting went pretty well!
led worship with mavis which was pretty much impromptu cos' we didn't practice and she wasn't sure if she could make it!
but it went rather well! and we got our theme verse and shirt design? haha
we're all split into different groups for different things. really excited about the coming trip!
and I really pray that God will continue to impress upon the whole team what His desires and visions for us.

thinking about the theme verse was a pretty amazing time.
we all just spent some time in prayer and looked through our bibles.
we went around just saying out verses we thought went in line with the mission trip and all our verses revolved around the same thing.
about love, humilty and serving our God.
so our theme verse is :
2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called;
5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
- Ephesians 4:2-6

this week's gonna be rather hectic! MEH :(
1) project meetings start this week!
2) renci event which we have to plan for.
3) ENDING SCHOOL LATE EVERYDAY :(
4) finding chords for the songs we'll be playing at the old folks' home!
5) compiling songs for the booklet we'll be bringing to cambodia (which isn't a priority now but still on my to-do list!)
6) bible study on friday night!
loads of things but I know I can get through them by God's strength! :)

In His Love,
BEAT!

2010-11-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

HEY EVERYBODY! :)
did I mention how HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS COMING OUT IN 17 DAYS?!! :O
ahhhhh and the best thing is, IT'S CCN DAY!
which = NO SCHOOL! (well sorta)
can't wait can't wait can't wait!
I'm sucha harry potter geek seriously. but that's not a bad thing!

fellowship sunday today! barely the whole group turned up cos' there's chinese A's tomorrow :(
went for lunch after service followed by L4D2. WHICH I SUCK AT. hahaha
sorry, but I'm happy with playing pokemon for the rest of my life :) COS' THAT'S HOW I ROLL.
went back to PS with sam to catch life as we know it! the kids playing sophie is sooooo cute.
I think I was just aww-ing throughout the whole movie. HAHA
and sam being sam, gushed at Josh Duhamel the WHOLE TIME. right sam?

and my dad's back from CHINAAAA.
I managed to convince yanning/claudia that he was at hawaii again. HAHA

OHOHOH, and guess what! I got into the maincomm for the renci event that the A&F IG is organising!
well sorta. so it's time to get some experience and err seal points. haha
BUT, most importantly to bless people jus like I've been blessed (:
hur, but my mum played the YOU SURE YOU HAVE TIME A NOT. DONT JOIN ALL THIS KIND OF THINGS LA card again.
what to do, mums will be mums :(

kay, have a blessed week everyone!
BEAT

2010-10-29T11:48:00.003+08:00

TGIF!

the first week of school really flew by.
but mostly cos' tutorials haven't started yet of course. haha
I still have to head down to school for lectures from 2-6pm :(
and then down to church for bible study tonight! :)

so I had my world issues and psych tutorials yesterday!
nothing much to say about psych really. I just hope I pay attention during tutorials. heh
but world issues is awesome possum!
my classmates all seem to be rather nice/approachable :D
and I THINK I know all their names. plus my tutor's really awesome too!
well, at least, he's not the kind who would bore me.
so something tells me, world issues is gonna be fun. which means:
boring psych+AWESOME WORLD ISSUES=nahhhhh everything's gonna be fine :D

I'm currently doing my FA tutorial, but like always.
I'm stuck. gosh I really need to brush up on all the basic stuff.
but everytime I do, I just don't remember them. why?
COS' ACCOUNTS IS SO BORING AND SO NOT SIGNIFICANT IN MY LIFE FOR ME TO REMEMBER!
hahahaha sudden outburst, but you get what I mean!

OKAY, back to the darn tutorial :/ I still have the profit and loss statement and balance sheet to do! BOOHOO.

KEEP SMILINGGGG :D
BEAT!

2010-10-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

borrowed 3 cds from the tp library today!
haha I'm definitely going back and lay my hands on more music :)

my psych and world issues tutorial starts tomorrow D:
I pray that I get nice classmates cos' if not it's gonna be so lonely :(
ahhhh, just watched harry potter films 3 and 5!
can't wait till deathly hallows come out on 17Nov! or is it the 18th? haha I can't remember.
BUT EITHER WAY, I'M SO STOKED!

okay back to finishing my econs and FA2 tutorial!

In His Love,
Beat!

2010-10-26T23:48:00.003+08:00

Oh, how I miss London!

SOSCHOOLHASSTARTEDBOOHOO! :(
it's only tuesday! but judging by how thick my notes are, something tells me this semester is gonna be tough!
especially FA2 OH GOSH :/
world issues and psych have been pretty interesting!
and no doubt I am psyched about just getting into the full swing of things, making new friends is scary :(
haha. and the fact that I don't know anyone who's in my tutorial groups for both psych and WI, OH BOY.

then again, I can't wait till december comes!
we just finished our YWAM training on sunday and the following subsequent sundays will be spent with our own teams!
which means, I have to brush up on learning khmer! HAHA.
I've been receiving so many links from ronda about learning khmer. HEH.
but yea! really pumped up and excited for the upcoming trip to cambodia!
but on the other hand, I've been doing my quiet time at night again :(
NO THIS IS NOT GOOD! :/

so school starts at 3 tomorrow. whoopdeedoo.
meeting yanning and claudia in the morning though :) HEHE
so until then!

In His Love,
Beat!

2010-10-22T01:55:00.002+08:00

what the timetable looks like so far D:
the full timetable's gonna be out later today. and this is pretty much pieced together from the tp sms service thingy.
but from what it seems, my friday's gonna be pretty long too because OB's not even in it yet!
3 HOUR BREAKS ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY?!
seriouslyyyyyyyyy. PSHHHHHH.

God, I pray this semester goes well :/ Amen.

Still trusting,
Beat.

2010-10-20T01:56:00.003+08:00

oh, timetable's half-released.
but I found out I got into psychology and world issues!
and they're both 6pm-7pm lectures on mon and tuesday. GAH.
this semester's gonna be interesting.

time to step it up beatrice!

2010-10-20T01:40:00.002+08:00

okay, I'm starting to get worried about school.
let's see hmmmm, well
1) I'm not a straight A student
2) I'm not in ANY cca
3) I really don't feel like putting in the effort to actually go for ANY of the interviews they have for foodmin/GLs and what not.
4) My course is just, not right for me!

what am I doing?! okay I think I'm just freaking out over the fact that I don't think I'll get into a good Uni in singapore.
and the thing is, it's like I don't even want it!
where's the drive to actually pursue something I want?

I think I'm destined to be a bum my whole life.
YEP. a bum. or a chessemarker (RIGHT CLAUDIA?)

bah, just venting. nothing serious.
BEAT.

2010-10-18T22:21:00.002+08:00

you make me feel right, childlike :)

the past 2 weeks or so have been great :)
just catching up with so many people like marie, sara, claudia, yanning and chan again over the past 2 days.
and it's so true when claudia says no one gets our humour. HAHA
cos' seriously, who else would laugh when sara says SO THEY RODE OF ON UNICORNS OFF INTO THE RAINBOW!
yep, no one but us :)

missions training has started! and well, it's all new to me but I'm really psyched about going to Cambodia with the team!
and I feel worship now is becoming truer and truer each sunday.
cos' I know I'm singing what comes from my heart, and not just you know, WORDS.
'worthy is the lamb' really struck me yesterday.
"bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came, and gave AMAZING grace"
and about the lesson on hearing God's voice yesterday, praying with mavis.
it was just a God-lead time. and just praising and repenting, the words that came from the both of us.
I just felt like I was shaking, and I could hear mavis sobbing a little.

and over quiet time this morning, I prayed about what God had in store for us.
I felt so strongly about really just loving the people like how I've been loved by God, by friends, by family.
and even though I know it didn't agree with what mavis felt God was telling her,
like what judy said yesterday, if it is by God's will, we will hear the same thing (:

I've started doing my qt in the morning instead of at night. which is gonna be hard when school starts AHHHH.
but you know what! I'm gonna make an effort to wake up at 7 if school starts at 9am!
ahhhh but talking about school, I'm just so not looking forward to it :/
I really pray things will work out with projects and meetings :S
but I know God will get me through it!

HEHEHE GABE BONDOC :B

In His Love,
BEAT :D

2010-10-05T23:44:00.004+08:00

so today was errrr fun. haha
drove up to jb with the parents to get dog food and shop for stuff!
went to a couple of places, got dvds :D
oh and the most-epic-face-palming moment happened today!

so this was how it went:
me: daddy let's get bubble tea
dad: okay
*starts walking*
me: I wanna buy drumsticks :D
dad: from where?!
me: I dunnnnnno
*after buying the bubble tea*
dad: so you're still hungry?
me: no... are you?!
dad: I thought you were you said you wanted drumsticks what.
me: DADDY, I MEANT LIKE THE WOODEN KINDA DRUMSTICKS NOT CHICKEN -.-
dad: ohhhhh, HAHAHAHAHA
omgosh my dad could possibly be the most sotong dad on earth. BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM (:

so I just finished watching the last song, and I gotta say that was one REALLY GOOD movie!
I mean, I'm not a fan of miley cyrus, and I know nicholas sparks' books always have almost the same storyline,
but I really loved the movie! especially the part with the baby sea turtles :D HAHA and jonah has got to be the best little brother on earth. I WANT HIM. (and I meant that in the least creepiest way!)
and I guess i also enjoyed the movie because it had 2 things I love: music, and marine life! (well kinda)
which brings me back to the point on why singapore doesn't have a university for vet science. URGHHH
well, I can dream of being a marine biologist really. but I know that will never happen. well not in the near future at least.
I love my dad and all, but I really hate the fact that he insisted on me going into accounting so that I could get a proper joba dn not do vet cos' he didn't think that was practical enough.
well, asian parents are all the same. no offense.

okay, well at least tomorrow's something to look forward to!
meeting, amanda, ber, mich and rach to watch charlie st. cloud! yay for sacge people! or what's left of us. HAHA
so for your amusement and viewing pleasure, here's me! IN FRONT OF THE EIFFEL TOWER! :O

IN HIS LOVE, BEAT 8}
oh, I learnt from my beloved junior that there is now such a thing as a suspicious smiley.
credit to jus for this! 8} HAHAHA

2010-10-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

BEFORE:

AFTER:

AHHHHHH I <3 NALA :) hahaha
so I'm still wasting my life away. and I'm so prepared to answer NO to anyone who's gonna asked me if I worked during the holidays.
BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO :(
I'm really not looking forward to the huge amount of homework/projects again. rawr.

but it looks like this week's gonna be pretty interesting.
firstly, my dad wants to go to the istana tomorrow o.0 to see mrs lee kuan yew. and it's not that I don't wanna pay my respects to her but but I really don't like seeing dead old people :( it's sad.
but we may go to johor in the afternoon! haha so random I know. but well, my dad and his quirkiness(?).

also looking forward to meeting amanda/michelle/ber I don't really know whose coming but yea!
all the guitar people that went to poly cos' we're having hols now HEHEHE
hopefully we'll catch CHARLIE ST.CLOUD on tuesday! :D

oh and promos have started! can't wait till all the jc people are free. SERIOUSLY.
hopefully I can meet liz to jam and record some stuff (: cos' we're cool like that YO!

ahhhh I really hope our mid sem tests don't clash with church camp :/
God, please don't let it :(
according to my conutdown, THERE'S 20 DAYS LEFT TILL SCHOOL STARTS. AHHHHHH

haha okay that's like 3 weeks. not too bad :)
well you all have a great week! :)))))

Peace, Love and lol,
BEAT!

2010-09-29T03:24:00.002+08:00

Cambodia or China?

Where is my heart calling me to?

But more importantly, where is God calling me to?

By prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Patience, Trust, and Understanding.

2010-09-28T00:10:00.004+08:00

I love the moments I get to just sit on my bed and not worry about what I have to do tomorrow :)
and yet I know I only have 4 weeks left to do whatever I want before school starts and before I know it, there'll be tonns of projects and tests coming up D:
I just opened my tp email account to find that I had 100+ unread emails. HAHA
and the thing is, some of them were actually quite important!
for example, there was some form I had to take and fill out if I still wanted to take the transnational studies cds.
but that was in EARLY AUGUST. looks like I can forget about taking TNS now!
ah well, it's my fault. heh.

I've actually come up with a list of things I SHOULD be doing during the 1 month before I go back to school.
but I just can't bring myself to start on the more important ones :/
GAHHHH, I wished I could go back to the past.
where everything seemed much more carefree than ever when you're 5 or 6,
feeling you could be anyone you wanted to be, or do anything you wanted to do.
I'd do anything to feel that way again.
but isn't it the same with God? "For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

like gravity, I'll be unstoppable, like a hero :)

2010-09-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

this was taken the day I woke up at 5.30am just for the sunrise. haha

well, so results came out on friday!
and I purposely set my alarm at 10am so I could wake up and check my results when it got released.
BUT after refreshing the site multiple times, it was posted on facebook that it was postponed till 12pm D:
some people got their results through sms and all but I didn't cos' I didn't sign up for it.
went to meet canice and the others to hunt for yanning's present at city hall.
and cos' everyone else was late, I just stood there refreshing the page on my phone. HAHA IM SUCHA LOSER.
BUT AFTER EVERYTHING! the results were finally up.
and I really thank God for it :)
I really couldn't ask for more.

honestly, I haven't seen myself getting As and B+s. well I was more of a straight Bs and Cs student back in sac. haha
AND GUESS WHAT I PASSED MY FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING!!!
well I know the paper definitely pulled me down cos' I got a B grade under mid sems and all.
haha but I ain't complaining! I'm just so happy I don't need to take the supp paper whoo!

so yn's bbq was yesterday! saw like 1/5 of the fine nine people cos' most of them couldn't come cos' of promos :/
and I'm so broke now cos' I had to share 2 present D: hahaha okay la I shall not sound so cheapskate!

------
so I woke up today feeling SO sore.
only got home close to 1am last night and by the time I slept it was about 2?
AND I HAD TO WAKE UP AT 7.30 :( sighhhh
bathed and headed down to church.
today's service was just WOW. I really like the fact that the we're doing sermons on the Lord's prayer :D
the sermon was on 'As we forgive' and I guess it kinda applied to me cos' of all the little arguments I have with my mum.
I guess I never really bore a grudge to any FRIEND of mine, but it's just so easy to argue with my mum
and I'm not kidding. I could cry everyday cos' she'd scold me or say something about me that'd make me get so emotional.

at the end of the sermon adriel ended with singing Jesus loves me, and just in that moment, I felt this sense of LOVE, and COMFORT run through me. it was kinda like getting goosebumps I guess? haha
but it just felt SO REAL, it felt like God was just over me :)
after that adriel closed in prayer and told us to huddle with our small groups to pray.
so me nessa and shar went up to the front to find the rest of them. matthew prayed for us and for some reason I just started tearing. and the whole time I wasn't even thinking about myself, but about sam. (if you're reading this sam haha HIIIII)
the whole few minutes was just so emotional, and there really isn't an explanation why I started tearing.
but I know it was definitely God :) (can I get an Amen?! hahaha)

feeling God today was just SO REAL, but in the most awesome way :)
haha you all have a good week! and for those having promos,
I'LL BE PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU! <3

In His love,
Beat :3

2010-09-23T23:01:00.002+08:00

pretty sure this shot was accidental by my dad when he was in turkey! turned out pretty quirky :D HAHA

just got back from the IG camp!
turned out pretty fun even thought my other 2 classmates pangseh-ed me. HEH.
we were split into 3 groups cos there weren't really a lot of us, but yea I made new friends yay!
basically played games THROUGHOUT the camp. hahaha
water games today was just, wet. REALLY WET.
and the fact that the rain was so heavy made the weather super cold!
wet clothes+MORE WATER+heavy rain+wind=BRRRRRRRR
NO KIDDING! the first station was probably the best cos' we got tricked to stand somewhere and they just POURED LIKE 2 BUCKETS ON US.
okay no, everyone except me were dry. I practically took a bath in my clothes. HAHA
but it was fun nonetheless! (:
at least we had time to shower at the sports complex!

come to think of it, I really don't regret signing up for the camp!
had a great time talking and laughing away with newly found friends :D

ahhhh. results are out 10 AM TOMORROW.
I really can't think of the kind of results I'll get.
but I really really am gonna try to STOP thinking about it and let God provide.
even if it's bad, I know He'll get me through it (:
TRUST, BEAT. TRUST!!

I just wanna scream what I'm feeling inside so here it goes.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
okay, I'm done! (:

2010-09-22T01:19:00.005+08:00

random thoughts:
1) don't really wanna go for camp which starts in 8 hours.
2) I should really sleep now.
3) universal studios with wanyi was pretty fun today.
4) SINGAPORE IS JUST TOO HOT.
5) weather forecast yesterday sad it would rain in the late morning and early afternoon but it didn't! thank God for that :)))
5) I searched up stanford business school today for the fun of it.
6) note to self, WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
7) I wished I could go to the states/uk to study.
8) results are gonna be out on friday. AHHHHH
9) thought I saw supp papers would be on the 27th of september but that's just remedial classes if I fail.
10) should I get the whistle?
11) I'm in such a contemplative mood for some reason.
12) I wished I didn't have acne cos' it's so annoying.
13) IT'S 1.23AM NOW :D
14) okay, off to do my QT.
15) clearly I was just too lazy to type everything out in complete sentences.
16) END OF RANDOM THOUGHTS.

like gravity, I'l be unstoppable :)

2010-09-20T14:48:00.002+08:00

- http://www.fallingwhistles.com

it's monday! and week 2 of the holidays :D
I spent my first week catching random movies with my mum and dad, on separate occasions.
HAHA it's bonding with my parents yay!
I also took a LONG time to convince my mum about the mission trip.
but with constant prayer and God's grace, MY MUM FINALLY SAID YES!
well her answer was actually: OKAY LAH. but it's still a yes. ohhhh yeaaaa

the weekend was good :) also went for wanyi's house warming on sunday.
and we made plans to go to USS tomorrow! HEHEHE :{D
something tells me this week is gonna be good.
well, God is good. doncha think?

oh and the link up there's really meaningful :) go check it out.
I'm still thinking if I should buy the whistle. it is quite expensive, but it's all for a good cause!

okay gotta bathe the dog now, and then run to wanyi's house before it rains! AHHHHH
okay I'm not running. I'm gonna take a BUS. cos' I'm not fit :)

peace, love and lol
BEAAAAAAT